Dear Senator Johnson,
I understand The Congress is considering abolishing Daylight Savings Time changes. I also understand there is broad support for this. Please act with strength and fortitude.
Since your illustrious body last altered our calendar through the Energy Policy Act of 2005, I have been reflecting more and more on the power of the law to regulate the passage of time.
Should you personally approve of changing Daylight Savings Time at this juncture, I would ask that you withhold your vote for the time being, unless you can force debate on a more extreme measure with respect to regulating the passage of time.
I would prefer that any time regulation legislation propose abandoning the Church calendar on the basis of Separation of Church and State (I’m a Jew from Space), replacing it with a more elegant, rational system.
Were the passage of time to be regulated according to a 13-month year, with each month lasting exactly 28 days, then one leap-day per year (i.e., New Years Day) would iron out all the mathematical wrinkles in the calendar. Please do the math yourself.
This could also be a legislative opportunity to abandon the heathen, Freemason and Babylonian base-60 system we currently use for seconds, hours, and minutes.
Such an extreme measure in Congress could even be an opportunity to fully break away from the Crown and stop using Imperial weights and measures; if we’re revisiting how we regulate the passage of time, maybe we can take a global leadership position and adopt a rational metric time here in America, while we’re at it. And, of course, implement metric for everything everyone else on the planet uses metric for too — except, that is, for the Crown.
Please do everything you can to enact efficient regulation of the passage of time. I don’t care if a single elected official sees the time regulation provision, just bury it in something endless. But please make every Congressional Staff Assistant hear it — even if they have to sit through 14 hours of hearing legal code read aloud during an outbreak of the Plague.
To me, as a Constituent, time is much more important than a $15/hour minimum wage, First World healthcare, or access to debt-free higher education. We are very close to breeding a flawless red heifer in Texas. We will rebuild the Temple in Israel with the help of Evangelicals. Whether it’s the First Coming or the Second Coming, we will be prepared to go the distance. We will reinstate animal sacrifice and will no longer need to practice Human Sacrifice under the guise of War.
Please settle for nothing less than a hard-line approach to regulating the passage of time.