Elections are Controversial, Inefficient, and too Often Too Close to Call: Let's Replace them with Coin Flips

In Virginia this week, voters selected a Republican Governor to replace the former Democratic Governor.  The mass media has been flush with excitement leading up to this moment, making prognostications of a potential "wake up call" for Democrats, who appear vulnerable to a reinvigorated resurgence of organized, political, and militant Trumpist fanatics.

If the Democrats could muster any response requiring discipline or backbone or principle, they would be doing so by now.  And even if the Democrats were capable of summoning the enthusiasm garnered by Republicans, they would still be unable to challenge the overwhelming force and organization of Our Conspiracy.

Given that we have relegated the role of Democratic electoral politics to the mere appearance of opposition against a formless malevolence symbolized by the GOP (but which, in actuality and appearance, is controlled by Our Conspiracy), they haven't a hope.

Were I some poor soul dedicated to improving society by voting for Democrats, I would opt for a more rational approach to the problem.

The Virginia election was settled somewhere in the vicinity of 51-48% -- not that much more meaningful than an ideal, theoretical coin flip.  Many US elections are settled this way.  A more rational approach to decided matters of national leadership under such conditions would obviously advocate the employment of actual coin flips to settle such contentious matters -- especially since, on the level of individual voters and the negotiations of their representatives, nobody is convincing anybody of anything these days.

It is rational to use a coin flip to determine our nation's rulers because, at worst, a coin is as inherently unreasonable as a politician or an electorate in a two-party system.  

A coin flip is less contentious than inscrutable electronic voting machine software or the wide variety of election procedures practiced in the vast array of local municipalities in the US.

A single coin flip to determine an entire election would solve a great many problems.  It would be considerably less expensive, more public, and more verifiable (there is, after all, no fake news in sports journalism, where most anybody can see the same action plainly).

Should a single coin flip feel too arbitrary to the American sentimentality about Democracy, the coin flip itself could be democratized.  Voters could vote to choose whether one or three or five coin flips would determine the outcome of a selection.  Voters could choose delegates to choose one of two or three different coins to actually flip, to allay suspicions of a trick coin.  The General Mills and Betty Crocker were able to successfully employ similar models of applied psychology against American housewives in the 1950's.

Coin flips are clearly and rationally advantageous to current US political campaigns in terms of cost, efficiency, contentiousness, accountability, and the potential for democratic input on the particulars of the process.  Furthermore, from a statistical perspective, the outcome is likely to be about the same (that is, given a two-party system and winner-takes-all elections).

To the extent I pity the Democrats who have lost their minds and the Republicans who have lost their souls, I rejoice that, at our current juncture in Conspiracy history, our initial fear of a Trump Presidency has proved immature.

An Open Letter to My Senator Ron Johnson of Wisconsin

Dear Senator Johnson,

I understand The Congress is considering abolishing Daylight Savings Time changes.    I also understand there is broad support for this.    Please act with strength and fortitude.

Since your illustrious body last altered our calendar through the Energy Policy Act of 2005, I have been reflecting more and more on the power of the law to regulate the passage of time.

Should you personally approve of changing Daylight Savings Time at this juncture, I would ask that you withhold your vote for the time being, unless you can force debate on a more extreme measure with respect to regulating the passage of time.

I would prefer that any time regulation legislation propose abandoning the Church calendar on the basis of Separation of Church and State (I’m a Jew from Space), replacing it with a more elegant, rational system.

Were the passage of time to be regulated according to a 13-month year, with each month lasting exactly 28 days, then one leap-day per year (i.e., New Years Day) would iron out all the mathematical wrinkles in the calendar.    Please do the math yourself.

This could also be a legislative opportunity to abandon the heathen, Freemason and Babylonian base-60 system we currently use for seconds, hours, and minutes.

Such an extreme measure in Congress could even be an opportunity to fully break away from the Crown and stop using Imperial weights and measures; if we’re revisiting how we regulate the passage of time, maybe we can take a global leadership position and adopt a rational metric time here in America, while we’re at it.    And, of course, implement metric for everything everyone else on the planet uses metric for too — except, that is, for the Crown.

Please do everything you can to enact efficient regulation of the passage of time. I don’t care if a single elected official sees the time regulation provision, just bury it in something endless.    But please make every Congressional Staff Assistant hear it — even if they have to sit through 14 hours of hearing legal code read aloud during an outbreak of the Plague.

To me, as a Constituent, time is much more important than a $15/hour minimum wage, First World healthcare, or access to debt-free higher education.    We are very close to breeding a flawless red heifer in Texas.    We will rebuild the Temple in Israel with the help of Evangelicals.    Whether it’s the First Coming or the Second Coming, we will be prepared to go the distance.    We will reinstate animal sacrifice and will no longer need to practice Human Sacrifice under the guise of War.

Please settle for nothing less than a hard-line approach to regulating the passage of time.

Sincerely,

Menachem Bailey 

Going Forward in America: 2021, Mars, and Light Body Ascension

There was a time I never thought I'd see the day, but we're officially a month into the Biden Presidency, and everything seems to be operating smoothly!

When the Donald Trump Campaign began gaining momentum, I became gravely concerned about our future.  What initially appeared to be a troubling turn of events then suddenly took on a positive aspect, as we were able to take control of Donald Trump's psyche through post-hypnotic suggestion in the mass media.  Needless to say, these past four years have been a rollercoaster!

Never did we imagine back then that our ability to control the President's campaign would extend beyond the campaign, beyond the 2020 election loss -- much less that such a thing would be possible after Trump perished at St. Martin in Hurricane Irma, forcing us into a compromise we had earlier hoped would not be necessary, and which led to replacing Trump with numerous body doubles attenuated to the same covert channels of manipulation via ubiquitous media messaging.

While the situation undoubtedly became increasingly erratic during the final days of our control over Trump's public persona -- as can be expected, given that it was actually constructed from the slightly divergent makeup and conditioning of several Trump doubles psychologically primed to take cues embedded in Twitter and Fox -- we have arrived at an admirably satisfactory state of affairs.  Trump's public persona has been entirely shut off now that it no longer necessary.

With Joe Biden in the Oval Office, we can use him to neutralize leftist opposition to our program and to serve as a lightening rod for right-wing emotional agitation, while we continue working to ensure our control behind the curtain remains unperturbed.

Although Joe Biden is not so weak-minded as Trump as to serve as a legitimate target for us to attempt controlling his psyche through coordinated neuro-linguistic programming among our controlled media affiliates, the eagerness of Biden supporters to move on after the Trump years will give us an influential mass by which we can pressure Biden in other ways.

President Biden -- who frequently bragged about his authorship role in the PATRIOT Act's first draft -- will inherit a surveillance system made nominally palatable by the "contact tracing" and COVID surveillance, full home monitoring via remote work and school, and the vaccine as a test of who does and doesn't translate influence into action. 

These past few years represent a great advance in the sciences of prediction and control, for which we will find new markets going forward, as we approach the singularity, and prepare for our light body ascension.  As we work with Central Command to unlock all the potential Planet Earth has to offer, let us take a moment to celebrate this planet's official Welcoming to Mars, as we see the first lifting of Earth's quarantine, which will pay dividends far into the future!

We Are Truly Living in the Real Future!

Hello World, and welcome to my new blog!  I locked myself out of my old blog a little while back when I tried to delete it, so I guess I’ll be posting some of my thoughts here now!

There are a few things on my mind I would like to write about once all the action on TV starts to enter the 5th dimension.  At the moment, I’m just feeling so energized by the 2020 election!  I can’t wait to find out how it all ends!

Anyhow, I’ll be following the news closely over the next few days as information trickles in about this most recent returning deep space probe that Earth’s gravity finally captured early last month.

The probe’s novel upper-stage launch vehicle might even be observable tonight, having already released its primary return payload into a slightly different orbit weeks ago.

These are exciting times, indeed!